The Adventures of Doc, Omega and Lopez
by Berzerk-Fury
Summary: Taking place during season 4 of Blood Gulch Chronicles, the evil AI Omega attempts to take over the universe with his faithful minions Doc and Lopez, creating his own video journal of his triumphs/failures.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this

So you know: normal text is Doc, bold is Omega and italic is Lopez. Also sorry if my spanish is off, i don't speak the language

Enjoy

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(The screen is blank; however the sound is working perfectly.)

Ok is it on now?

**Look at the light you fool! It's there to show you!**

Ok, ok, don't yell at me! Right there's a red light and it's bleeping. Is that good?

**Of course you repulsive vermin! The red light always means it's on.**

I thought that it was the green light that meant something's on?

**Well..... Silence you fool! Never question me.**

Ok now it's not bleeping, is that good or bad?

**Err.....**

I thought you were supposed to be an evil genius?

**Fine I'll take a look at it. Let's see..... There's no picture. What did you do imbecile?**

Why are you blaming me?

**I'm evil, I have to blame someone! Also I'm a genius so nothing is ever my fault!**

Hey Lopez, do you know how to work this thing?

_Qué usted quisieran que hiciera, escupir en él? (What do you want me to do, spit on it?)_

Wait what's this button?

**You fool, don't press anything!**

(Static rolls across the screen. Then the image of a disembodied head appears upon a pile of crates)

Hey Lopez it's working. I see you!

**Ha I knew I could do it with my superior intellect!**

What, I worked it out!

**But it was my own prodigious knowledge that allowed you to work out such a puzzle of most intricate design!**

No, I just pressed a random button.

**Shut up.**

You weren't involved.

**I said Shut Up!**

_Usted debe conseguir quizá encendido con él, el balanceo de la cámara fotográfica (Maybe you should get on with it, the camera's rolling.)_

**Oh yes of course, like I need a piece of headwear to remind me of that?**

_Burro (Ass.)_

He's right you know.

**Just get in front of the camera!**

(A soldier in purple armour walks in front of the screen. He has a rocket launcher strapped to his back and a small medics tool at his hip. As he talks his head moves from one side to another, each time alternating between 2 different voices)

Hi I'm Doc and this is Lopez.

(Gestures to the head.)

_Puedo hablar para me. Lopez las necesidades pesadas ninguna ayuda de eso por lo menos (I can speak for myself. Lopez the Heavy needs no help for that at least)_

**Quiet you fools. We aren't making this video to distribute on the internet or cheer up some depressing family member. This is a log of my evil accomplishments. A journal of my rise to power and a record of how the universe was turned inside out by the mighty force of the chaotic lord of darkness that is Omega. Mwha ha ha ha. Also I need to I need to put up some videos on My Space. We'll see who the amateur filmmaker is Johnny-Boy16.**

_Usted demanda tener mal que haga que los hombres lloran como pequeñas muchachas, con todo éste es todo lo que usted puede pensar alrededor. (You claim to have evil that makes men weep like little girls, yet this is all you can think about.)_

If we're not distributing it, whys it going on your My Space page?

**Well this has gotten off to a bad start.**

Hey, while we're doing this can I say hi to Mom?

**What! No this isn't..... It's not..... Fine, but in return no more slideshows on the nature of vegetarianism in popular culture. That last one almost made me heave like an Irishman.**

Ok.....Hi Mom!

**Uhh I need to take some time away. Somewhere nice...... Like off a cliff..... Where you could die.**

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	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters

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(Doc/Omega is sitting at a table when the camera starts. Lopez's head is on the table next to them)

Ok, I think we should take some time to explain who we are and what we do in this Organisation.

**Now I wouldn't say this is an organisation, more like a pair of worthless peons, grovelling under a mighty lord who could crush them at any time he chooses like a small crushable insect!**

......So should we do introduction?

**Sure, knock yourself out.**

_No cuido cualquier manera. (I do not care either way.)_

Well I'm called Doc, even though I'm a medic. I went to Jamaica State University, I'm a pacifist, a vegetarian and I believe any problem can be sorted out with a non-violent solution.

**What! Non-Violence! I won't tolerate such behaviour! If I could I'd use a car-crusher to smash you into a bloodied pulp of smashed medic hippy! Since I can't I'll just have to dock a days pay from your salary.**

But you don't pay me anything for my services! In fact you took over my body without even consulting me!

**What did you expect? One of those girlish invitation letters you send out on your birthday, to all those cretins you believe are your friends but are constantly belittling you at every chance!**

Whilst I don't agree with everything you said there, an invitation or some form of writing complete with your intensions would have been nice. Wouldn't it have been nice to get that before you were kidnapped Lopez?

_No pienso de alguna manera que cualquier cantidad de papeleo podría hacer secuestrar más agradable. (Somehow I don't think any amount of paperwork could make kidnapping more enjoyable.)_

**It's not supposed to be enjoyable! None of what we're doing is! Apart from the rampant destruction and tearing our enemies limb from bloody limb! That is most enjoyable!**

You know I'm starting to think you need anger management counselling. Or a hug.

**You fool! How many times do I have to explain this? I'm evil! I am Omega! The end of all things! No amount of hugs could possibly dampen my insatiable urge to kill, annihilate and eviscerate! I am a dark lord of oblivion whose only purpose in life is a bloody rampage of death and destruction which leave the universe quaking in terror at the mere sound of my name! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!**

_Aun cuando usted tiene todavía matar a una sola persona? (Even though you have yet to kill a single person?)_

**I have killed dozens so far in my lifetime! Simply because I am foiled by a few soldiers in red in blue armour, does not mean I am incapable of slaughtering thousands of innocent souls!**

_No, significa que usted es incapaz de los idiotas de la matanza 7 que pasan la mayor parte de su tiempo que tira a la una otra. (No, it means you are incapable of killing 7 idiots who spend most of their time shooting at one another.)_

**Shut up! Ever villain throughout history has had archenemies.**

_Sí, pero ellos tenga generalmente enemigos que puedan poner para arriba más de un desafío que paraplegic con leucemia. (Yes, but usually they have enemies who can put up more of a challenge than a paraplegic with leukaemia.)_

**I don't know why I bother sometimes.**

Ok I think I got all that. I think that sums up who we are.

**What! You were still filming through all that? That Tape must be destroyed! Lopez, get my disintegration cannon from my laboratory!**

_Desde entonces cuando tenga usted tenía un cañón de la desintegración? O un laboratorio? O un minion con los miembros para realizarle ordena? (Since when have you had a disintegration cannon? Or a laboratory? Or a minion with limbs to carry out you commands?)_

Oh man this is gold! I'll be surprised if we don't win an award or something for this!

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	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters**

**sure are fun to write though**

**Now time to get to work on my next secret scheme for Galactic Domination!**

_Si es tan secreto, por qué es usted grabación él y entonces fijándolo en el Internet? (If it's so secret, why are you recording it and then posting it on the internet?)_

**Silence you! Or else I'll stick you on a pike and leave you for the buzzards!**

_No tengo ninguna piel (I have no skin.)_

Yeah it would be kind of pointless..... Hey what do these things do?

**Don't touch anything! With these tools, my hands become forces of ultimate creation rather than total annihilation!**

_Si usted tiene todas estas herramientas porqué no construirme un nuevo cuerpo? (If you have all these tools why not build me a new body?)_

**Because, Lopez, that is very low on my list of priorities.**

_Enderece, dándole que los minions que trabajan los miembros son totalmente insustanciales en el esquema magnífico. (Right, giving you minions working limbs is completely pointless in the grand scheme.)_

So what exactly is this scheme?

**Using me insurmountable genius, I shall construct a device to allow me to control the weather itself!**

Um..... I think that we.....

**Then, using a carefully invoked series of lightning bolts, I shall do away with my enemies in a mass blood-storm of hellish fury!**

Well about that..... It's just..... Well, you kinda.....

_Usted intentó ya este plan una vez antes. (You already tried this plan once before.)_

**I did? How did it go?**

_Falló desgraciadamente. Justo como todos sus planes. (It failed miserably. Just like all your plans.)_

**Lopez, I am very disappointed with your lack of faith with this project.**

For once I agree. Lopez, if we don't believe in what we do, how are we supposed to advance as an organisation and as people in general.

_Meh, quién_ _cuenta? (Meh, who cares?)_

Now that's not the way to think about these things. I think you need a bit of cheering up Lopez!

_Del Oh No. del dios por favor. (Oh please god no.)_

Come on Lopez, think of something that makes you really happy. You can do it, what makes you happy?

_Tener brazos para estrangularle con. (Having arms to strangle you with.)_

Hmm that seems a bit to violent.

**He he he, I think that's a perfect outlook on life for my dark followers!**

Come on Lopez. Isn't there anything else you want?

_Las piernas I pueden utilizar golpearle con el pie en la entrepierna. (Legs I can use to kick you in the crotch.)_

Ok, I'm noticing a disturbing trend here.

**He he he. This is better than watching someone watch one of those daytime television shows that are so bad it makes people vomit up their own soul in disgust!**

Eww.

_Me parece una reacción exagerada. No es tan malo. (That seems like an overreaction. It's not that bad.)_

Anyway, shying away from hurting me and talk of nausea inducing television, we still have to come to terms with the fact that the plan has been tried before and our own experiences suggest that it probably won't work.

**Well what do you suggest then group therapy sessions and anger management counselling?**

I think that's a great idea! I'm so glad you decided to deal with your issues rather than project them onto others in the form of bullets and harsh words.

**I was being sarcastic fool! Now let me think.**

_Creo que debemos volver a mis ideas. Me permiten movilidad y darle una oportunidad de disparar el molesto uno. (I think we should go back to my ideas. They allow me mobility and give you a chance to shoot the annoying one.)_

**I like the way you think, Mwa ha ha ha!**

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End file.
